Thanks to the always interesting Brian Thompson, I came across this article written by Carl Kingdom about introverts. As one of the 25% of the population that identifies strongly as an introvert, I loved this so much I felt the need to repost it.
The amount of times I’ve been called shy blows my mind and gets on my nerves. As a kid, I grew to believe there was something really wrong with me because I was “so shy.” And certainly as a 12 year old going through the awkwardness and judgement that comes with being a preteen I was pretty shy for a few years, but that melted away by the time I started doing theatre in high school – yet the negative label still stuck.
Just because I don’t care much for menial conversation it doesn’t mean I don’t adore social situations and thrive off staying up all night talking about fascinating things with fascinating people. Engage me in a conversation about the local music scene in Toronto and I will talk to you for hours, no problem. Want to awkwardly talk about sports or the weather with me? Well then please don’t feel bad when I give you one word answers. I just have no need for small talk, or having people in my life just to have lots of people in my life. If you are in my life, it’s because I think you are fucking incredible and want you there, and trust you to be worthy of that place.
I truly enjoy living alone, and need my own space. If I live with someone, they have to be an excellent compliment to my personality and respect my need for alone time. Roommate situations were always a nightmare for me. I have no patience for other people’s bullshit, but that doesn’t mean I want to live alone for the rest of my life.
The people I’m closest to are almost always extroverts, which seems obvious enough. There is balance in your opposite.
With that said, here are Carl’s 10 myths that I assure you truly are just myths:
“Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.”
And for good measure, here’s a truly excellent TEDtalk on why it’s great to be an introvert:
(To comment on her last point, this blog is me opening up my suitcase for you).
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